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Monday, April 20, 2015


I just pick tarot cards with the thought about the path I'm going on.
Post here to note for myself and see if it's true. At least the cards seem all relevant to my unspoken question at the moment

self: King of Swords

Judge well and wisely; you are the one with the final say.
The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.
The King of Swords in this position stands for fairness and even handed treatment. He settles disputes, assists in the resolution of conflicts and mediates.

Bringing analytical and interrogative skills to bear on whatever the current drama may be, the King of Swords is by consent of his community the impartial adjudicator. He works hard to maintain that reputation and that position. Patient listening and penetrating questions are his signature, and those qualities are just what are presently being asked of you.

situation: Four of Swords

Turn aside from contemporary concerns. Guard and protect that peace that naturally resides in the depths of your soul.
The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.
When the Four of Swords appears in this position, you are blissfully removed from the conflicts of the day. You now have the freedom to wash your hands of current controversies. Your present mission, regardless of what others are up to, is to enter your inner sanctum and meditate, drawing energy from your inner guides.

In your private sanctuary, you can communicate with those who have inspired you with their accomplishments and improve yourself with the aid of their example. Delve deeply into your inner life and be responsible for guarding that treasure of inspiration and hope. Protect and nurture your interior haven of peace.
Challenge/ Opportunity: Ace of Wands

Make your decisions wisely because you will have to live with the consequences.
The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.
The Ace of Wands in this position encourages you to keep your focus through the inevitable changes that will emerge from the choice or decision you are currently making. Have the courage of your convictions. When you are in a position in which you can do things your own way, you have to be a leader, taking responsibility for all the consequences of this choice, which is now in your hands.

Be sure you are willing to live with the outcome. This is the moment to possibly adjust your thinking. Once things are further set in motion, it may be too late.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

It's best to write in times of loneliness

1. Some new inspiration
Last month I got probably the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get so close to Thanh Loc, an excellent actor/artist of Vietnam, when he came to my studio to make a short documentary video supporting his new-released autobiography.
I sat there just 2 meter in front of him. He re-performed about 7 best acts through out his career. He caused us to applaud. He'd have taken some tears of mine easily If I were a woman. He talked about the act and in just half an exhale he suddenly turned into the character. He talked, got dramatic, cried, lied on the floor, then laughed, then coughed,... transforming my small studio into different spaces and times.
For a few moments after he had left, I imagined practicing acting alone letting all myself as dramatic as possible.

Last week, I and mom got an invitation to 5B Theater to watch "Đêm Vượn Hú - Night of The Gibbons' Cry". Though covered with an ambient of ghostly horror, the play was about people and their greed, their losing of humanity over properties. I still trembled for half an hour after the play was over, thinking about the true scare of it. This play has got me more interested in drama and I'd probably spend some money and time on this genre of art with my mom, a bigger fan of drama.

A few days ago I met a young writer. We went to the same highschool and have some common friends and he gave me a copy of one of his books. It was written in the cover "the best-selling book of 2014". I'm not afraid to say that his literature is not my genre but I still read a few chapters to soothe my mind out of all on-computer tasks I am having at the moment. The thing is, his book inspired me to write again.

I think I have good imagination and extra-confidence because whenever I enjoy paintings, literature, photography, ... I always hear myself whispering "hey I can probably do it, too".

2. I was going to write something for number 2 half an hour ago but now I forgot.

3. I miss you. Really really miss you and I know texting too much is not wise in times like this. Anyway, I'd rather be unwise than regret later not expressing my feeling.

4. I'd should arrange time to get back to my writing project ASAP. I constructed a draft layout one year ago and left it unfinished. Bad me!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

the suddenly come enlightenment of painting

So just one hour of coating another layer of acrylic onto the smart board leftover from construction, I turned of my Kindle which was in the middle of "Eat, Pray, Love" to wake my laptop up for another working session and suddenly read this to myself "I literally like to paint things. Anything, everything, just paint 'em", taking a short gaze at the board.

Very quick my memory ran through:
I painted something on the took box of another elder student in my fine-art class. I was just a junior who finished the University Entrance Exam and came back to the class to upgrade myself with new skills such as water colour. He was a already a student of the University of Fine Arts practicing with oil. We're totally strangers and that mean I shouldn't have had touched any of his stuffs. But for a moment, I looked at his toolbox of oil painting and paint on it using one of his brush and oil. This later became a story during conversations of the class master and her son who witnessed my artistic crime.
I often feel the need to paint something, especially whenever my mind is wandering on the cloud. The older I get, the more realistic of the 'things' I want to paint become. I used to think I would invest on better Wacom tablet and larger screen to follow digital painting but that idea turned out not strong enough to come true while the idea of picking up cheap acrylic and ready-to-paint canvas in the Discount Convenient Store on Anzac Parade won over and soothed my desire for the first time.
In the sentence "I want to paint something", the "to paint" is stronger than "something". It's more like a starving person want 'to eat' first and think about what to eat slightly later. For many times I finished coating and just look blankly at the canvas or paper, still having no certain idea of what to put on it but full of inspiration to coating more and more layers on it. I love to enjoy the new surface of the canvas, then look closely to study the textures that I have just created. I believe if my mom allowed I'd paint all wooden chairs in the house in yellow or white in an artistic way with acrylic.

Wait, from the moment I admitted to myself that I want to paint everything in new coating not to create any kind masterpiece applied with anything I learned about composition, space, line, shape, etc. , I know I love to paint. I think this enlightenment came from the awakened mind after reading a book with the addition of a weekend morning quietness probably. This is a good therapy. This is such a good enlightenment!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

As people do?

I wonder why Mom keeps saying "your idea is always weird. nobody does that" so I always ask "why do we have to do 'as people do'?". She has never been able to really reply properly.
So :-)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Hopes and faith and dreams and, probably some, hallucination

... So, it's over in terms of time. Unexpectedly it was better than a few previous Lunar New Year's Eve-s. That cheesecake might contain a little bit of self-changing in its ingredients. I met and went out with new people and the 'new' attitude experimented in Australia, and things turn out to be better.

The last year was so dramatic. It got me so high then put me down to earth so low and dragically. Financial situation failed. Relationship status failed. Family harmony failed. Personal plan all failed. Somebody would say that was normal to guys who lived their dreams abroad now woke up in their real-world hometown. But as I told Yang that I started to feel excited, or maybe just kinda eager, because I knew it couldn't be get worse. It must have "hit the rock" as she said. Of course there were some signs, albeit unclear. But who cares? I have to go on.

Sometimes I think hallucination might be necessary to get over hard time as long as it's not abused.

To be more specific, this is the real world:
Money is still so important to me. I'm better at spending than earning obviously. But since I had been so unhappy with money for quite long time. I decided to buy some fun with my budget. Paying an expensive brunch to hang out with kool people is okay. I don't meet them every week and can still deny invitations to luxury dinners with candid words as "my budget doesn't allow me to do it". Buying somebody a drink at Starbucks is okay as I know it's worth spending time on a talk with them, which in my dictionary is "to get to know" more about them. Paying the pizzas at the small party somebody invited us is okay. He hosted the party, served us snacks and let us spend hours playing cards in his apartment. It was so much fun that night.
In overall, one of my mistakes was that I let my low-budget prevent me from getting with people. Now it requires a more 'open-minded' expense with certain conscious.

And I'll definitely need more money this year. Just work hard with some good lucks, I think. They say it's gonna be a good year. Let see.

Love is "to have not to hold". Madonna repeated this so many times in her "Ray of light" album. Understanding it seems much easier than practicing it. I always try to figure out the cause of the problems myself and it probably requires more changed from within myself. Be less a control-freak. Have a backup plan with a "let go" attitude. Let see it this works. I'm 29. I still have lots of time for this.

One thing I can't agree with what most of my friends say is waiting for the right one to come. First, we all need to practice to do anything well, even love. I see myself still immature in the field, or maybe just because I don't fit in well with the rest of the world and need to improve that. Second, I don't like to wait at all. I was born this way, so hot-tempered and seemingly always in a hurry of anything.

Related to Love is Friendship. I don't expect much anymore but that doesn't mean I lost my faith in it. The biggest thing I learned last year was try not to be selfish all the time. Please don't expect me to be an enemy to your enemy. The best thing I can surely do is not sell you to your so-called enemy.

Friends and Lovers are the same. They come and they go. Somes might stay with me (or you) forever in certain ways.

English is still very enjoyable to me. It has been a long way learning and practicing English. I feel better writing and thinking in English even though my vocabulary is still very limited. Yes, my biggest limitation of learning this language. Just two months ago I started writing seriously something as a personal journal, inspired by Murakami's kinda autobiography "What I talk about when I talk about running". Promise myself will go on and I remember there are 8 pages of academic research waiting. It's not compulsary but sooooooo important. I hate my procrastination!
Anyway, before writing something, I need lots of "input" in any form by reading, which I'm doing during these days. "Foundation" by Isaac Isamov on the go!

... So, a few words to note down the previous short period of time. Hopes and faith and dreams now!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Making up

The bride, her mom, her friend and her niece
were making up for the wedding ceremony
in a tiny and low ceiling room

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Finished another book

I finally made it, the Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. It's kind of a mentally heavy book to me in terms of philosophy and of language. Both my English and my mind (or reading skill) have trouble sometime during the whole story. What I like bout the fiction I've read is that each of them is a whole different world but reflecting my realistic one, telling me something everyday and every time I read them.

I was so curious to know the end of 'the world' and I like how Ayn Rand ended it though too perfect. I still don't get why Ayn left Eddy Willer on the Comet alone exhausted. Was it an appropriate price for loyalty? All Dagny's men are so wonderful and she turned from one to another and they were all friends at the end. Probably in Ayn (or Danny) preference, a man who can rebuild the world with a motor and a philosophy is the greatest, more than any young-rich-smart-brave man Francisco mature-rich-tough Hank.

This book gave me lots of strength to work hard while abroad in Sydney, especially in high-time, but it also brought me to extreme sometimes. The extreme part of the book is John Galt's speech which I indeed had to skim a few paragraphs. I have never spent such long time on a book. It was 17 months. I didn't read it everyday but at least I finished it and another easier-to-digest one (The Secret of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel). I think the next book will be non-fiction. I'm also looking for another adventure and fantasy series of book as they may be more effective in terms of keeping me reading.

I'm starting What I talk about when I talk about running, the first Haruki Murakami's book I've ever read.